Life Blogger Series: Controlling Friends

Bullying isn’t always obvious. It can be subtle and hard to recognise, sometimes taking the form of unkind words said quietly, exclusion from activities, or even small gestures meant to make you feel bad. It might leave you feeling sad, isolated, or unsure why someone behaves a certain way.

If you think you might be experiencing bullying or are facing any challenges at school or home, it’s important to talk to your Foster Carer or another trusted adult. Sharing your feelings and experiences can help you get support and find ways to make things better.

This anti-bullying week, one of our young bloggers has written a piece explaining how bullying can leave you confused, questioning whether what you are experiencing is bullying or something else.

Controlling Friends – by Quiet Mouse

It started a couple of years ago at my old primary school and I had just settled in with my new foster family.

The whole way through primary I used to be a selective mute and never spoke, I only rarely whispered. Experiencing this was an awful feeling because I chose to not speak and I just felt alone. However, I did speak to my Foster Carer, it was just at school I didn’t talk.

The whole way through school I was a mute, until I moved to another primary closer to my new foster home. I only started to speak when this happened. I remember walking into the class that day in my new school and the teacher sat me with some girls I was already friends with. I could recall that moment like it was yesterday.

One time at my old primary school, I was lining up in the morning with my class and one of my friends gave me a party invite in a crisp white envelope. I was about to open it but then one of my best friends said to me “Do you want me to open it for you?” in a very patronising voice. Then she snatched the envelope off me, I was unable to reply and she opened it in front of me “It’s a party invitation” she said still in an even more patronising tone. I didn’t know how to react but now I think about it, I just felt completely humiliated and she was speaking in a very slow loud voice as if I was deaf. I never realised at the time but now I’m older I understand why I felt like that.

She used to tell me that she was my best friend and how she would look after me. She bossed me about saying that I should only whisper to her and nobody else. I could never tell my teachers because I didn’t speak. My head teacher was very supportive towards my mum through our rough times and tried to help her in every way he could. There was also a dinner lady I was quite close to and at break time I would often go and stand with her and I would occasionally whisper to her.

Since then the controlling friend has contacted my Foster Carers asking for my personal phone number. My foster mum discussed this with me and I decided that because it has been years now, I don’t want to speak to her. The girl carried on bombarding my foster mum with controlling, aggressive texts demanding to meet up and talk to me. As the messages escalated, my foster mum and I chose to send a pleasant message explaining how I wasn’t ready to speak to her.

Now I am older and wiser, I start to think about the situation more, my Foster Carer agrees with me that the messages were odd because they were quite aggressive for a young teenage girl to send to an adult. However, I know for a fact that my birth mum is good friends with the girl’s mum. So I wonder if my mum was involved with the situation and trying to contact me.

I still feel worried and scared because I don’t want my mum to have my number because I have a new life now and I am happy and settled with my foster family.